Madrun (madrun) wrote,

Scared of pain

There's some weird cold virus going around that looks like strep throat at the beginning and then settles into low-grade fever, migraine-like headaches and deep severe body aches, then finishes up with sinus drainage and cough. Today I'm right in the middle of the fever/headache/body aches stage, and holy shit. The doctor gave me some samples of celebrex because ibuprofen wasn't touching it. Celebrex! Usually 3 tylenol put me to sleep. 

So today even the celebrex isn't even making much difference. There is no comfortable position. I can't sleep. And I'm scared. What if I had to deal with this level of pain long-term? Is this what arthritis feels like? Is this what disc damage feels like? How many people around me have been at this level of pain and had to function here, day in and day out? 

I never thought of myself as someone who was scared of pain. After all, I had three babies intentionally with no painkillers. I have chosen no or minimal painkillers in other situations, mostly because I had to be able to care for my kids. But those are all situations with a distinct end in sight. You do this thing and it's painful and it sucks, but the suck is going to end. 

This line of thought makes me want to do all sorts of reckless things while I can. This is a dangerous line of thought. I think I'm going to take one of Jim's muscle relaxants and try to sleep.
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