It's been one year since I started writing in my blog "seriously" and actually putting work into it. In the past year my photography has improved, I've learned more about the technical side of writing and administering a wordpress blog, and I think my writing has improved. I've gone from 10 fans on my facebook page to 220. I have 38 blog subscribers. My average hits per day is 150.
But I still feel like the blog is not *me*.
I keep reading everywhere that the most important part of blogging is writing from your authentic self. I am not doing that, not really. I do not want Green Basket to be a food blog. I write about food and I publish recipes because I love food and I love sharing recipes, but I also write about garden projects and cow pooling and every once in a while I write an opinion piece. These things are all nice, but I'm still holding back. I'm still holding back because I don't want to alienate my current readers by talking about pagan stuff, but I don't know if I'm "pagan enough" to be a "pagan blogger". I don't want Green Basket to be a pagan blog about local food and permaculture. I want Green Basket to be... what?
What am I writing about right now? The overlaps between growing your own food, permaculture projects, recipes using local food. Charcuterie and fermenting using local ingredients. I have a unique perspective on these things, but I've been the minority in the minority in the minority for so long, I'm so used to keeping my mouth shut in this group or that group... I'm too libertarian for the hippies, I'm too skeptical for the pagans, I'm too radical for the food security activists, I'm too down-to-earth for the feminist herbalists. I feel like this blog is going to keep limping along until I can find my unique voice and stop being scared of alienating everyone. I have a book in here somewhere, sometimes I lay in bed and write pages and pages in my head... it may be a book that no one wants to read, but aren't they all?
I have to figure out what exactly I want out of this whole blogging *thing*. What do I want to say? What are my goals? ARe those goals helped or hindered by the blog? Is the blog just writing practice?
Every month I know I'm having a PMS day when I think about deleting GreenBasket entirely for various reasons. That's irrational and I haven't done it (yet) but somewhere in there is a message that I need to listen to and resolve, some inner conflict.